A neighborhood in Naples Florida, Vanderbilt Beach sits, well, on the beach! To get any further west in Naples, you’ll need a boat, an ape sized wet suit, or gills. The primary activity here is sitting in a hammock in the shade and chuckling at the apes that forget their sunscreen. For vacations, this is a perfect place. For a home, it’s even better, because when you live where everyone thinks its paradise. What else could you want?

When you get there, you will either have driven down I-75 or simply have flown into Naples Airport. That means you’ll have plenty of time to visit the famous Naples Pier. If you visit the beaches from May through October, you may just see a sea turtle nesting! If you do, let her do her thing. The best way to approach her is – don’t. Stay behind her, don’t use ANY flash or lighting equipment and leave her nest alone once she covers it and leaves for the sea. After all, you wouldn’t want a bunch of sightseeing tourists to gawk and take pictures of your mom giving birth, right? And if you should find hatchlings heading for the water, let them! Sea turtles are a protected species and it’s every ape’s duty to keep their paws to themselves. Don’t distract the little folk – flash photography and lighting will disorient them and they won’t be able to find their way to the water. They don’t have GPS like us apes, so they depend on the glitter of the water to orient themselves… A lot like nightlife apes use the glitter of neon to find places to party.

So go to Vanderbilt Beach, either to visit or to put up a permanent shingle that says, “Beach ape in residence”. You’ll be almost as glad you did as the relatives who will make you wish you hadn’t told them your address.